ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
