so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You made out with two different species that night
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
