fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
