i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
