i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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