Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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