Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
