When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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