I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
