He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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