make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Holy shit dude........stairs
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
