just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
