so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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