There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
