After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
