Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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