There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
