alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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