is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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