p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
