he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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