So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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