It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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