STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
