so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
