I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
