i think i have two assholes
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
