the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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