Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My feet surprised me
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