I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
