I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
