he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
