am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Randomize
