waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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