I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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