I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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