It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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