I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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