So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
