Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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