The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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