Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
