I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
