Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I wish you could order shots online.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
