Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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