so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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