My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Girls should come with a carfax report
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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