it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
