I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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