I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
