i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
