Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
