i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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