Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
