If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Randomize
