Ambien. No doubt about it.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
