i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
