shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
