guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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