Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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