she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
