The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
